when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
