1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
