just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
