He is such a slut. More and more my type.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
