Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
