just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
