when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
