Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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