After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i think my cat just said my name.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
