so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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