were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
