i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize