We won't sleep together?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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