we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
