the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We are two peas in an std pod
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
