Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
