He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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