Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
