have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to calm my uterus...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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