too bad you live with your parents still
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
