I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
