i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
