who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
