just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
