I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
