Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
