he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
