Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
COCAINE IS GR8
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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