I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
