whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize