found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
