i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
