I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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