Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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