Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize