Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize