hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
