Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
