Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
