you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
