he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
