Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is my gift to your gina
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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