I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
