she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
