I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
