She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
