Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
