Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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