It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
