we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
