remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
