I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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