i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
