you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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