Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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