am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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