So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just cropdusted the office
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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