I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
