There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
