I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
