I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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