ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
