where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize