He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
