I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
