The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
