their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
