my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize