how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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