I wish I only lived at night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
