I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He kissed a someone with a penis
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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