"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
