Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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