I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize