he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
