Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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