It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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