just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
