Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
