woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
