He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
