you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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