you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize