I feel like abortions should bother me more
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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