just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
