we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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