the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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