did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would ride that face into the sunset
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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