he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
