Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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