I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
