all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
