what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
