I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
