You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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