I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
