I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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